A real tearjerker

Here it is. They may have fallen short in the series, but these guys are a special group, I tell you.

Frank TV was friggin awesome!

I’m glad I caught one of the rare Frank TV commercials during the NLCS, because otherwise I might not have known that it premiered last night. But it did, and let me tell you, that is one awesome show. It relates both to an older, Seinfeld-loving generation and to the future generations watching in 2027. It’s also timely, because nothing says Thanksgiving like Madden-inspired Turducken jokes.

To be honest, I turned it off shortly after 11:15 - not because it was stale and pointless, because I don’t want to get hooked on another show; as Sam would say, my vigorous TV-watching schedule is already jam-packed with stuff, and Battlestar Galactica Razor is coming up on Saturday and all. But if there was one show I would add if I had time, it would be this one. For the record, I thought that part where Frank took the dude from the audience and laid down on his lap on the couch was hilarious.

Broken dreams, crushed hopes, etc.

It’s over. The Rockies aren’t gonna win the World Series this year. It hurts my soul, yes, and unless you’re some kind of monster, it hurts yours too.

To the folks at Coors last night and tonight, you rock. Because of your non-stop raucousness and persistent, thundering “GO…ROCKIES,” I was proud to be from Colorado. Even with our embarrassing performance in game 1. I was watching the game with some other dudes, and a Yankees fan among them complemented me on our fans’ indefatigability. If nothing else, the Rockies’ losses at home at least reaffirmed my love of Colorado and Coloradans.

So remember people, we’re Colorado sports fans. Mourn tonight, root for the Broncos tomorrow.

Hang in there, Denver.

The Red Sox are invading. Let’s show them how real people behave (courteously, not like assholes with extreme entitlement issues) and then show them how real outfields treat fake outfielders. I can’t help but be an optimist: this series is going to be the most dramatic in recent memory. It’s going to fit the rest of the Rockies season perfectly; in other words, gentlemen, start your defibrillators. In the end, though, we’re going to come out on top.

Josh Fogg is pitching Saturday, and before the series began, I felt good about him being on the mound for game 3 should the Rockies lose the first two. He’s that calming, reliable influence that we desparately need right now. We figured out their hitters tonight, and if the offense can get going and the pitching can build on Thursday’s performance, we’ve got them right where we want them.

To all you Boston fans honking your horns and yelling outside my window right now: get ready for a quiet weekend.

Let’s hope they’re right

Take a look at this simulation of the World Series. It has the Rockies winning it all in seven games, and let’s hope they’re right. But look a bit closer at the game 1 prediction: Red Sox 11, Rockies 2. That’s scary accurate, but look even closer at the box score. It has Mike Lowell, Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz combining for 8 hits and 8 RBI. The real game? 7 hits (though “only” 4 RBI). It had 2 Boston runs in the first as well. Real life: 3 runs.

The good news is, tonight it has the Rockies winning 8-4. I hope it’s right, but if Matt Holliday hits a two-run homer in the first, I’m calling “Back to the Future” on that thing.

One game is not four games.

True to form, the celebrating has already begun in Boston. But just remind yourself: One game is not four games. Thirteen runs doesn’t win you four games. A billion extra-base hits doesn’t win you four games. Only winning four games wins you four games.

And remember this, Red Sox fans: the Rockies weren’t supposed to win against Beckett. Win tomorrow and it’s still a successful first two games for les Rox. So don’t wake up in the morning and start talking about the Junior Varsity just because the Rox got their first bad pitching performance in 22 games. That’s called a double standard, that’s called hypocrisy, and that’s called setting yourselves up for major disappointment.

See you on the other side of this one.

Rockies Disaster Report: Game 1 Preview

Listen to RDR #1 - World Series Game 1 Preview

I just posted a Game 1 Preview podcast of sorts on YouCastr.com, which is a new youtube-like website for sports fans. The cool part about it is that they provide some amazingly simple web-based software that lets users do live audio broadcasts and then archives that content with space for comments and ratings and what-have-you, all automagically.

So the analysis is pretty simple stuff designed to introduce Sox fans (and there are a lot of them on YouCastr, just look at the comments) to the Rockies. But you might enjoy it, and, for nostalgia’s sake, I’ve brought back the Rockies Disaster Report name. If they lose, I’ll definitely blame the name and change it to something else, even though I already have the RDR logo work done and everything.

Listen to RDR #1 - World Series Game 1 Preview

I will be missing the first hour of the World Series.

Okay, okay, okay. Crap. No, shit. Check it out. Check it the crap out: because I’m a so-phisticated man-o-learnin’ currently enrolled at a college, I have a mandatory session with one other student and my theater prof from 6:30 to 8:00 today. This means I’ll miss the first hour of game one. The only possible ameliorator is playoff baseball’s Cal Ripken-like streak of late start times. So yeah, please pray for me and a late start time.

And now the unrelated Simpsons clip you came here to see. God bless you, Nelson Muntz.

Jay Alves: What we’ve known all along

Longtime readers and sports blog junkies might recall this business from last year. What you see there is that I contacted Jay Alves about MLB’s press pass policy. What you don’t see is that after I posted his reply e-mails, he responded with a rather testy and insulting e-mail that, surprisingly, did not even ask me to remove his e-mails. It was simply an angry rant.

Now, the nation gets to see the man’s true colors. For a PR guy, Alves has very little tact and even less charm. The plan to sell tickets exclusively online, whether his brainchild or not, was flawed to begin with. Everyone and their mother predicted it would crash Monday, and low and behold, it did. In steps Jay Alves, who first claimed that tickets were being sold just fine, and then admitted that for whatever reason, the ticket servers had been unable to handle the load of requests. Fair enough, but it quickly became clear that the Rockies didn’t have a backup plan in the event of a server failure - in fact, they didn’t even have a statement prepared. Instead, Jay quickly made up the excuse that evenue.net had been subject to a “malicious attack,” yelled at a few reporters who questioned the official story, and told fans to check back tomorrow.

The attack story was pitiful before Alves flatly refused to provide any details about it; that just made the excuse easier to see through. The truth is, there is no way Evenue’s servers were subject to any kind of attack. The Rockies said they recorded 8.5 million hits in 90 minutes, or about 1,574 hits per second. Your run-of-the-mill targeted denial of service attack floods servers with tens or hundreds of thousands of requests per second, not just over 1,000. Look at it this way: 8.5 million hits would reflect 1 million potential ticket buyers refreshing the now infamous countdown page 8 or 9 times in 90 minutes. Given that the page was set to re-load every 60 seconds, 8.5 million hits is not out of the question.

The bottom line: they should have been prepared, they weren’t, and they lied. Jay should have calmly approached the podium at 2pm Mountain and announced that they were having server problems but that they would open ticket sales at King Soopers locations for local buyers and via telephone for out-of-state customers. Instead, Alves concocted a completely transparent lie, snapped at reporters when they questioned him on it, and totally lost his cool. Had he been honest and calm about the situation, had he even pretended to be prepared, fans may have been willing to spare the organization a little grief.

As it is, frustration is boiling over in Denver. Regardless of how ticket sales actually went down on Tuesday, many fans will want to see Alves’ butt flying from a Rockpile flagpole if Coors Field is anything but jam packed with Rockies fans - not ticket brokers or New England residents - come Saturday. Personally, I don’t blame them.

Interview with Red Sox Fan

Denver Sports Zone: Thanks for taking the time to answer some questions.
Red Sox Fan: YEAH!!!!! RED SAWX AHR GONNA WIN SO HAHD CORE!!! ROCK-IES SUCK!
DSZ: So, you’re predicting a Red Sox victory? In how many games?
RSF: Sweep! Get out the brooms! Broom time, baby!
DSZ: Even though the Rockies are the hottest team in baseball?
RSF: Dude, I got some news for you. Everyone predicted us to win at the beginning of the season. No one thought the Rockies would be here. NO ONE!
DSZ: So? It’s a prediction.
RSF: Also dude, Dustin Pedroia. BOOM!
DSZ: The Rockies also have a stud rookie infielder, his name –
RSF: — Big Papi. Manny. Jonathan Papelbon.
DSZ: Yes, I know you have players, but –
RSF: — And let’s not forget, let’s not forget…
DSZ: Please don’t yell ‘Youk.’
RSF: YYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Ha ha, wicked!
DSZ: I wasn’t going to play this card, but, what about when the Rockies won 2 of 3 at Fenway this year?
RSF: I don’t recall.
DSZ: Really?
RSF: …
DSZ: Really?
RSF: I’m sorry, I gotta go get some chowdah. Seeya at the celebration.
DSZ: What celebration?
RSF: When the Sawx win the series!!!!
DSZ: What are you talking about? I’m a Rockies fan?
RSF: A what?
DSZ: The team Boston’s playing? The Colorado Rockies?
RSF: Oh. Screw you.