Getting an early start

Before I get started, no, Matt Holliday didn’t touch the plate. Maybe. It looked like he got his hand under Barrett’s cleat and when Barrett lifted that cleat it was covering a few inches of the plate, so it’s completely likely that he did touch it. But whatever. Garrett’s ball left the yard and hit off of a chair. And even if you don’t buy that, it makes up for the three or four other home runs that were stolen from the Rox this year (yup, I’m thinking about you, Philadelphia). And even if you don’t buy that, the game was tied anyways, with all the momentum on our side. So it doesn’t matter. And even if you don’t buy that, look, Holliday made a mistake and we should have won anyways. Peavy failed you guys and you were damn lucky to even be there. Okay…

Okay. I know, I know. Gabe, just enjoy the win! They’re begging me. Gabe, PLAAAAAAAAYOFFS! Signs at Coors Field. Signs behind live broadcasts of The Today Show and Sports Center and College Gameday, begging me to just get over it and enjoy the run and be grateful for once.

But what the hell. National media (yes you, Oral) says Phillies in 5. Same national media that said Rox would finish 4th or 5th place in the division. And then the Rox were like (in the traditional Izzardian style), well…we’re not gonna. And it was with that strong, deliberate statement that the Rockies, for the first time since 1995 (I was 6), clinched a playoff birth. The years of hair-pulling agony that we have all wasted on this miserable franchise have finally paid off. I feel like I just won the stock market or something that actually makes sense. I dunno. It’s hard to know how to feel when all you’ve been used to from a team is pain, depression and eventually just numbness.

So yeah, you heard it on ESPN. Swan song’s over, guys. Phillies in five because they can hit (see Rollins, Utley, Howard, Rowand and Burrell). Wait a minute, can’t the Rockies hit too (see Tulowitzki, Holliday, Helton, Hawpe and Atkins)? Okay, because Coors Field gives the Rockies a real boost and they’re not so good on the road and…hold on, isn’t Citizen’s Bank a total bandbox? Okay, because of their bullpen that’s been so good down the stretch. Wait, didn’t the Rockies bullpen help secure 14 of 15 down the stretch? Don’t the Phillies employ the services of Rockies reject Joe Table, among others? Okay, because the Phillies have some guy named Hamels going tomorrow and he’s won fifteen. Wait, don’t the Rox have a guy named Francis going tomorrow? Hasn’t he won 17? Fine, Phils in five because they play on the East coast and we’re old and cranky and can’t stay up late enough to watch the Rockies every night and pick East coast teams by default instead of doing any research because we’re lazy and haven’t really been giving the Rockies a chance all year so why start now and besides I have friends who live in Philidelphia who are kinda shady and they’ll literally kill me if I pick the Rockies.

So yeah, from the looks of it, we’re back to being the underdog again. And you know what? Bring it on. Hasn’t stopped the Rockies yet.

UPDATE: Deadspin says Phillies in five because of their “dramatically better” hitting. Right, because the Rockies can’t hit, and afterall the Phillies do it in that pitchers’ park they’ve got over there. I thought not making ignorant statements like these with no basis in fact was what made you better than ESPN, Leitch. So much for that.

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