Jeff Huson Talking About Things Besides Baseball

So with last night’s extra-long thriller of a game we all got a double dose of everyone’s favorite borderline retarted color commentator, Jeff Huson. I was watching the game with Gabe and my friend Mark and we were thinking: what if Jeff Huson was talking about anything besides baseball. The DSZ used its gigantotronic ad revenues to bug Huson’s house? Transcripts of various Jeff Huson conversations follow.

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Wolf Blitzer: This week in Iraq, the largest attacks to date in the troubled nation claimed over 400 lives. The suicide bombs were directed against a little-known religious minority known as the Yazidis.

Jeff Huson’s wife: That’s just horrible! Jeff, honey, did you hear that?

Jeff Huson: Iraq is next to Israel. A lot of guys these days are carrying AK-47s.

JHW: Honey, Iraq is not next to Israel. They’re close though!

Jeff Huson: AK-47s aren’t that accurate though.

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Jeff Huson’s daughter: Hi daddy!

JH: Hey, missy! How was school?

JHD: Um. I was outside doing a lemonade stand. School starts next week, daddy. (Giggling)

JH: Go to your room.

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Jeff Huson’s dog: Woof!

JH: What’s that, boy? There’s trouble at the old well?

Jeff Huson’s dog: Woof?

(rustling)

(20 seconds of silence)

(shotgun blast)

(scream)

JHD: Woof?

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JHW: Jeff, honey, what do you want for dinner?

JH: STEAK!

JHW: Honey, we’ve had steak every night for the past–

JH: STEAK! STEAK! WE WANT STEAK! STEAK! STEAK! WE WANT STEAK!

JHW: Alright, I’m going to go to Safe–

JH and daughter : STEAK! STEAK! WE WANT STEAK! STEAK! STEAK! WE WANT STEAK!

JHW: Bye…

JH: STEAK! I mean, bye.

———————————————————————————————

Sorry for being a dick, Jeff. You’re more successful than I’ll ever be. Hell, I can’t even figure out how to make a solid seperating line across the page. P.S. I don’t know if Jeff Huson has a dog, wife, or daughter.

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